On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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