Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize