hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
