yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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