Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i dont even know how to be here
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
