chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
