GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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