That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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