He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
