Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
