I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
