We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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