Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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