please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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