So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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