If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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