He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
