we're chasing vodka with high fives
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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