I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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