Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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