just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
