It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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