that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
