I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
