Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
