I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
