you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
