Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
