Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
