i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
