Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
