I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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