This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
