I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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