he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
