Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
