so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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