I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
