But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
