You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
