I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
