You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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