Screwed.edu
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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