I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
