My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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