Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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