Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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