just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
