o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
