Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Green mimosas i think yes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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