Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
