so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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