I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
