it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
