I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
