i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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