the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
