You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
