Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
