I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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