This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
