Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
